Understanding the facts of marriage can be sometimes cumbersome. This is because we are often blinded with pre-marital love which is more of an illusive expression. Marriage is like a business transaction where trade is done with the parties involved. You need to focus on whom you’re transacting with and avoid the background noise of the marketplace. See it like a business where you have to invest and make deposits. The more you put into your relationship, the more you get out of it. It’s not a game of soccer where viewers score more goals watching than the actual players on the pitch. The realities only set in when the knot has been tied. So it’s imperative to prepare in order not to be disappointed. Here are some things you need to bare in mind:
1. There are no perfect couples:
Perfection belongs to Allah, for to err is human. When we focus too much on the other spouse’s weakness, we can’t find the good in them or make the best out of their strength. Realizing this from the word go makes it easier to get along. Do not be deceived by a full blown beards or niqab, these are signs of eeman no doubt. However, the human nature will still set in. So overlook each other’s mistakes and appreciate more the good attributes your spouse possess.
2. We all have a past:
No one is an angel, therefore, avoid digging your significant other’s past. Whatever might have occured before you met is between the individual and Allah, most especially if the individual has done sincere repentance. What matters most is the present life you’re about to live. However, some key areas may need to be addressed based on peculiarity. If it’s a matter that is likely to affect the establishment of your relationship, discuss it amicably without unnecessary details or witch-hunt. The past can’t be changed, so focus on the present and make a bright future.
3. Your marital challenge awaits you:
People often think marriage is a bed of roses where you live happily ever after. You can only find such scenarios in tales from lalaland. The process of building a successful marriage is like the extraction of a precious stone. It often goes through the furnace to purify and strengthen it for durability. It is until then that the bond becomes stronger and it’s being appreciated. Challenges will often surface, face it and knock it down. Above all, never invite a third party into your business.
4. Success will come in bits :
When you begin to get along and hit your first home-run, share the moment with each other even if it’s with a piece of cheese. Not everyone was born with a silver spoon, so you may not have it rosy in the beginning. Never compare your marriage with that of others, for this is a brink of marital peril. Be rest assured with Allah’s assurance:
And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).
Surah An-Noor 24 Verse 32
Hence, be patient, work smart, believe in Allah and be rest assured — indeed after every hardship comes ease.
5. Marriage is like a tug of war:
Once during the lifetime of the prophet ﷺ Aisha Radiallahu Anha was speaking to her husband in a manner that was unpleasing to her father Abubakr Radiallahu Anhu. Abubakr tried to get hold of her, but the Rasul ﷺ prevented him. Later when Abubakr Radiallahu Anhu returned, he met them in a smiling mood playing with each-other and he was glad. So dispute will arise, arguments will set in but never let it get unhealthy or strain the relationship.
6. You’d need regular maintenance:
There is no ready made marriage anywhere. Marriage is hard work that needs commitment. You’d need to volunteer yourself and time to make things work. It’s similitude is like an automobile which requires motor oil for tune up. If your marriage is not well maintained, it’s likely to break down like an engine lacking oil. Create a maintenance culture by regularly eating together, having fun, learning and throwing surprise gifts with reassuring love messages.
7. It’s a journey of two or more souls
This is one of the reasons why marriage is a matter you don’t joke with — it’s a real business. You’re either in or out, no sitting on the fence. You can’t afford to play with people’s lives for the sacrosanctity of life is beyond amusement and guile. Some marriages end up with just two individuals. Others may be plural marriage with more than one wife and several kids. If Allah blesses you with kids, then be grateful and nurture them upon piety. If he doesn’t, remain thankful and steadfast. Whichever way it turns out to be; get prepared for a life long journey. And the best of preparation is At-Taqwah.
8. It’s an opportunity for growth:
Getting together with your better half is like the discovery of a natural resource in its crude form. You’d get to see a lot of strange things alien to your perspective. This then gives you a chance to build and transform your significant other. Try to encourage one another to read the Qur’an, rise for qiyam-ul-Layl and compete in good deeds. This is one reason why choosing the right spouse is arguably the most important decision to make. You’re either building a virile legacy or feeding your desire.
9. Marriage is a trial and test of faith:
The post marital scenario is highly unpredictable. Pregnancy may not come in the early years. The husband may loose his lucrative job. The wife’s beauty may diminish. In situations like this, it is faith that will guide you through and keep you moving. With steadfastness, perseverance and prayer, you will smile at the end of the phase.
10. It’s a contract that needs constant renewal:
In every successful marriage, you need a bank account. It is not money that you deposit into this bank account. It is love, peace and care which can be withdrawn and replenished into your marriage. Failure to constantly do this may turn a blissful home into a sour hub. Love doesn’t just appear or disappear, you have to plant and nurture it to blossom.
11. The Devil will not leave you:
This sounds sarcastic I know, but it’s a fact. The Devil will try all means for married couples to get divorced. This is well documented in the hadith:
The Messenger of Allah, ﷺ said: “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.” (Muslim)