In part 1, we discussed why you urgently NEED to stop backbiting. In this part, we discuss some practical tips to actually help you stop, and help you deal when others are backbiting in front of you.
If You Are The One Backbiting, What To Do?
- Beg Allah for Help. Beg Allah desperately to save you from this sin. Make Dua to Allah to enable you to control your tongue. No one can progress in this path without the help of Allah. Remember and remember and remember “You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help,” we repeat 17 times a day in Surat Al Fatiha. So do your part of asking Allah for Help as He commanded. WAllahi if you ask Allah sincerely to purify you from this, He will help you and will heal you from this and replace it with light in your heart and peace in your life. So Ask Allah. This is The MOST IMPORTANT STEP. Ask Allah sincerely.
- Whenever you feel tempted to say something bad against someone, remind yourself that if there is something wrong with them, there is something even worse with YOU for you are the one who is bringing out the ugliness in others and spreading them. Even if this person is flawed, you bringing out the flaw could lead to your own flaws being exposed in front of all mankind if Allah willed it. So fear Allah.
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
“Whoever covers (the sin of) a Muslim, Allah will cover him (his sin) in this world and in the Hereafter.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
We should be eager and actually compete in hiding the faults of others, not exposing them.
- I remember clearly a lady who was speaking to her relative and then telling her “but your sister is fat. You’re beautiful and in good shape. But your sister is fat.” I swear to God, within a month or so, this lady got a disease which led her to take medication that has cortisone and it made her really oddly fat! It was very strange subhaAllah that this lady became so fat so quick out of nowhere. So, don’t mess with people! Allah hears you and every word has its consequences.
You may be messing with someone that Allah loves, and Allah says: “Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him.”
So don’t get yourself into this. Fear Allah and don’t harm His slaves, these are His slaves, no matter how much you dislike them, they are His. You may be harming yourself or preventing your rizq or covering yourself with unnecessary sadness as a result of this without you even knowing or paying attention…. sins have consequences.
- Now, if you really don’t like someone and this leads you to talk about them…etc, then thank you, but please keep your opinion for yourself inside your mouth, don’t bring it out, the world doesn’t need it. What you can do instead is this: Ask Allah to replace whatever bad things you don’t like about this person with something better. Make dua for them, ask Allah to give them guidance and light and love from His love so you and others may love them too. And you are the winner when you do that because: 1- Angels will make the same dua for you 2- you have turned the ugly feelings you have into worship and earned yourself rewards instead of sins.
- What to do if you have done backbiting already?
If you have done this, then you have to hurry up and do Istighfar and tawba, if you know the person you’ve backbitten, then either go apologize, or if he doesn’t know you’ve done that, then don’t tell him but do good to him in the same place and with the same people you’ve backbitten him with. Also do istighfar for him.
Example: if you have backbitten Sarah with Mona, then go tell Mona good things about Sarah and say that you regret speaking badly about her. If you’ve spoken badly about someone in a platform, use the same platform to bring them their right back as much as you can, while doing sincere tawbah and istighfar.
If Someone Is Backbiting In Front Of You, What To Do?
- Single. Time. Anyone says something bad about someone else, IMMEDIATELY say something good about this same person. Keep doing that until those who backbite hate talking to you/or backbiting around you.
Here is an example:
Them: “This girl is too loud. She gets on my nerves.”
You: “Oh subhanAllah, I really feel she is very sincere in wanting to bring her point across. May Allah accept from her and guide her to the best in this life and the next. Ameen.”
— (You see how you turned them off from further backbiting? Keep doing that!)
Them: “I wanted to tell you something?”
You: “Does it involve talking about someone by name, or referring to them clearly that I would know who they are?”
You: “Then, please, may Allah reward you, I don’t want to know.”
Them: “But I’m not saying anything wrong. I just wanted to tell you a story that really happened. I don’t mean anything.”
You: “I know may Allah reward you. You’re amazing. But please I do not want to talk about anyone in their absence. I really don’t want to know this story. Thank you.” Then change the subject and talk about anything else.
Just kill the backbiting before it evolves.
It only evolves because you accepted it and allowed it to evolve.
- Have strength and pride in your religion and its beautiful teachings that guide us to what’s pure and forbid us from what’s harmful. You don’t have to be weak and submit to people when they are doing something wrong.
Change the subject.
Talk about the person in a very good way instead until they stop.
Tell them you will leave. Go sit somewhere else.
Wear a T-Shirt/sticker that’s says: “I don’t backbite and I like it”
There are so many ways. Be creative, save yourself and others from this sin. Jannah is worth it, and the major consequences that come out of this sin in this life and the next deserve fighting against them with all your heart, mind and creativity.
Final comment: by Allah, this act of backbiting brings nothing but ugliness, sadness and darkness to you without you even knowing. I have seen this with my own eyes. If you are frustrated and you start backbiting thinking this will calm you down or take away your frustration, then I swear by Allah that this will only add to your frustration and worsen the situation and bring a dull gloomy feeling to you and everyone involved in backbiting with you. It is never the solution. There is no way that a sin that automatically comes with darkness would bring you light, ease and healing into your life. No way. So get yourself out of this mess. You’re better than this, and with the help of Allah and your free access to speak to Him about anything whenever you want, you really don’t need to indulge in talking about other people.
May Allah help us and make us among those who set things right, and call to righteousness. Ameen.