My parents disapprove of my marriage choice. What should I do?
I am in a complex situation with my parents and the girl to whom I want to get married. What should I do, as this situation is very difficult for me? My parents disapprove of the girl because of cultural issues, not Islamic ones, so I don’t see anything wrong with proceeding to marry her. What do I do?
It sounds like you are struggling with what you want and what your parents want for your life, and trying to figure out how to proceed is a difficult process. The challenges faced by couples who “go against their parents’ wishes” can be manifold and broad. Since I don’t know the details of you and your family, I will speak generally and share different possibilities.
- Your parents may threaten to disown you or not come to the wedding. In this instance, I remind couples that the spouse who is “giving up their family” to get married can be put in a difficult situation, because this idea will always linger in the marriage – one person sacrificed so much for the other. This can either bring you closer together (i.e. ‘us against the world’) or cause tension (‘look what I sacrificed for you’), and these thoughts may come up when conflict ensues in your relationship. You two will need to explore your feelings about this.
- If your family is opposed to the marriage, then you will not be able to approach them for emotional support during your marriage, since they may have an “I told you so” approach to your difficulties. You are on your own. Depending on the extent of your family’s disapproval, it may affect the amount of time you spend with them in the future.
- Grandchildren. Your parents may limit their relationship with your children if they don’t have a good relationship with you and your wife – or they may interfere in your parenting practices, since they don’t respect the choices you and your wife have made.
- If you find comfort and approval of the marriage with your wife’s parents, then you may develop a closer relationship with them and thus receive the support you need. This may relieve stress you feel when raising a family together.
I invite you to ask yourself the following questions:
- Will my parents approve of anyone I introduce to them? Why or why not?
- What are their expectations? Why?
- What are my parents’ fears in this situation?
- Why do I want to marry her? Is it a choice that is best for me and what I want?
- How will I proceed and take responsibility for my choices?
May Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) guide you to what is best.
Brought to you by Virtual Mosque, read more here.
Since You’re Here… we have a small favour to ask.
In these extraordinary times, millions rely on HOTD for daily uplifting & inspiring content. Established since 2009 and with your kind support we’ve seen readers elevate their Imaan & strive for better on a daily basis. We’re committed to keeping our content freely available and open for all readers. Every contribution, however big or small, makes a difference and help us spread knowledge to millions daily
HOTD is something special, it’s a place where people can come to be inspired, to renew their faith, to learn and share knowledge, to fall in love with our faith and also our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family).
All content on HOTD is free. We believe what we do in this life builds for the next one and we work tirelessly with the aim to please Allah and inspire the global Muslim community as
well as providing information and inspiration for anyone interested in Islam. We simply cannot do this without your support and your support helps us continue our services.
If there were ever a time to join us, it is now. You can support HOTD and help sustain our future. Support Hadith of the Day and make a one-off donation or give regularly from as little as £10 a month Jazak’Allah Khayr – whatever you donate will come back to benefit you Insha’Allah as whatever is spent in the way of Allah is an investment in the future and the next life. Thank you.